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The Rose And I - Recovering from the worst?

Recovering from it all takes time and numerous items to deal with: from food to exercise to a healthy mind. It may take years. Chemo has been continuing throughout, every three weeks. I also started taking Anastrozole, a pill to help prevent the recurrence of my cancer. Unfortunately, that pill gives me hot flashes, makes me very tired and "eats my bones."

What I mean by the medicine is "eating my bones," is the fact that this medicine affects my bones in many ways. It can give me osteoporosis as I am taking it for 5 years. Thus, it's affecting my bone density. It's also giving me terrible joint pain and neuropathy in my hands, and especially my right hand. It's like having a needle poking you throughout your hand very often, and affects your grasp of objects sometimes. So things fall at the most inconvenient moment, usually. Mostly, it hurts a lot and I am taking tylenol many 2-3 times a day to help with the pain. Not sure what that does to my liver ...

Besides that, I am recovering well. Having the strong support of loved ones: my family, friends and boyfriend first. Also having goals and keeping a positive outlook. All this helps tremendously. However, not all is "rose" or pink while recovering. Besides, the physical pain and tiredness, there is some emotional trauma that lingers. Now all the big treatments have been concluded and I am left with taking a pill. However, I can;t stop thinking sometimes that all of this coudl start again is I get cancer again and that makes feel down and scared of every little thing that I notice my body doing differently. I am traumatised by the possibility that cancer may still be in me and that it could go somewhere else in my body, less easy to treat. So I have to live with that knowledge and deal with that at best. Being busy helps. Thinking positively and taking care of myself: soul and body helps. In some ways, my recovery is like the video above: I am building a new me, "one step at a time" or "one petal at a time." My main problem is I like food too much!

I also have returned to work. First, part-time and working remotely at home (Thanks to my school's principal and others in my school who allowed me to do so). Then, as of June 1st, full-time. Besides being exhausted all the time, this has been positive. I got more energy. My brain has been working more actively (I was getting really bored!). I am also surrounded by people rather than being on my own. And I got my full salary back! Yes, very positive indeed. But sometimes, I am wondering if I can do this too.

My art inspiration is there too but I don't always have the energy to follow it through so it will happen when the time is right.

So what's next?

I guess, many tests and dictor visits are scheduled to make sure I am doing well. And of course, breast reconstruction will have to be scheduled soon. My IV port will be taken out though in September. One step closer to being completely done.

And then?

That's another topic. But I am planning to translate all this in art work when it is tome to do so.

Talk to you soon ...


All my family, friends, boyfriend, colleagues, neighbors, and even my work and hospital/doctors/nurses/care givers have been very supportive. I am feeling appreciated and loved. I feel very lucky and blessed to have such people around me.


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